The Ups and Downs

The packed schedule, filled with assignments and mid-terms had caused me to bring a pause to my blogging.

But yesterday, on the 11 Oct, Saturday, was my last paper for mid-term tests.

On the 4th of October last Saturday, it was my sister's wedding day.
Together on that day, it was my first mid-term paper on CS2105 COMPUTER NETWORKING.

The paper was totally doable, and it weighs 20%.
I have no complaints.
I left the hall with a light shoulder and a smile.
Then I drove to my sis's wedding dinner and had a happy occasion.
The day was fabulous.

Following week, on Wednesday, is my second mid-term paper on MA1521 CALCULUS FOR COMPUTING.
It was alright. I didn't manage to do some questions.
And I had some doubts on questions which I knew.
Unsure of how well will I fare for this paper.
The paper weighs 30%.

After the paper I went to begin on completing my CS2105 Programming Assignment 2.
I was proud of myself for being able to complete it within 2 days all by myself.
It was the best achievement yet again.

And so, yesterday was the last paper on CS2100 COMPUTER ORGANISATION.
I was expecting the paper to be slightly similar to the past 2 years.
But I was wrong.
The paper was a mess for me.
What's worse was I was rushing to the venue as I was almost late.
Leaving me no breathing space before the start of paper.

I was really relaxed before the paper and went in with cool vibe.
But I didn't settle down.

I wasn't able to do most of the questions.
Some were fairly simple and straightforward.
And then after the test, I went to check a few questions.
This is where I realised I made 2 CARELESS MISTAKES which costs me 7 marks.

Then the following night, an answer sheet to the paper was released.
SO MANY ANSWERS WERE WRONG.
SECTION A MCQs KILLED ME!
With the answer sheet, there was another careless mistake being realised.

I counted the marks which I obtained. 21/60. Great, just great.
With the paper weighing 40%, this is the worse.

20% - no problem
30% - slight doubts
40% - DEAD PAPER

IT JUST HAD TO BE THE 40% PAPER. 40%..!!!!!!!!!!

Are you kidding me?
Why does my life filled with all these shit?
Why can't it go all smoothly?
Why must I learn so much from these mistakes?
My childhood was shitty and I have to receive more of such treatment when I am able?
 
What I've posted on Facebook:

So much effort put in on studies, life and relationship but all in vain.
A smile doesn't mean anything anymore.
Confidence doesn't build shit.
Reading to improve on life feels like a setback.
Is this fate of failure? On a sensitive person? Such distraught situation really.

I am always looking to improve my life.
Mindfulness, quotes, blog posts, psychology yes.
But really, it doesn't seem to help at all.. it feels... stuck.

As I said, so much effort put into studies, life and relationship.
I went all out doing all tutorials and made sure I knew them well.
But what I get was a paper which I couldn't do.
Should I beat myself for that?
Should I let it go?
I am overly sensitive, and letting it go is the toughest process.

Furthermore, I tried to get to know a girl, but ended up getting blocked on a communication platform.
Such a huge hint.
Such failure.
Such mistake.

I am all out of ideas.
Makes me wonder if life is a joke for me.

Rejection

This is a new acceptance.
This is a new way to apply mindfulness.
For this, for my first rejection upon an offer.

I wasn't stunned, I was sure.
I wasn't sad, but I was indeed happy to know this could happen.

From a depressed state to a confident state, that's what I could achieve.
From worrying thoughts to in-the-moment thoughts create life.

I couldn't project my care upon someone I like.
But there are many more waving trees in the forest.
I just gotta make sure I put mindfulness and confidence outside of every sets and subsets in life.
Earth is round, so is a Venn Diagram / Set.
Placing the key concept in life outside of it, is the sure way to go.

Keep living, keep it simple.

A Reflective Experience

Last Thursday was the second practical of GE2228 .
I went into Earth Lab, sat behind because somehow I still feel alone.

Then I went to retrieve my marked report of the first practical.
We did well, but others were better.

Didn't really looked for my group mates yet until my Prof started addressing the class.

I looked around quite frantically. But just couldn't find anyone.
So I wrote message into the WhatsApp group that we have.
And I got a reply that one of my group mate was in front.
Honestly I couldn't see her at all...

So after Prof finished addressing the class, I moved up front to her, realising that there are no instruments which we are required to use for this particular practical. Sigh.

Then it started. I can feel it.
The girl who I moved up to, she.. was totally filled with anxiety.
She was as confused as I was with the practical initially.

Then I checked around for my other group mate, she went to the back with her friends, and that leaves us two. Because another one was down with illness, didn't attend the practical.

We had to join up with other groups with new people.
Then her anxiety continues all the way through the 1½ hours.
All of which are questions about the lab.
She was also comparing our first report with other groups' and I think that worsened her anxiety.

Oh my... I tried to calm her down but to no avail.
I almost lost focus but managed to pick up some pace.

Finally, we were able to retrieve some data of the environment with some confusion of what's really going on, for me at least...
I didn't even use the instruments because it was limited in numbers (as usual) and all I did was recording data.

But really, I couldn't blame her.
I know exactly what was running through in her train of thoughts.
She reminded me of my past self, or myself 2 semesters ago to be precise.
At the same time I felt sad for her, because I feel we have all these issues due to the demanding society.

Such psychology effects are built up over a long period of time and it's really not that simple to rid of them all at once overnight.

She's probably a perfectionist, just like me.
People who speaks of the bell curve, generally well are.

Still, she expresses her anxiety, where in my case I hid and ran away from all of it.
It puts me in a situation which I really want to help her, now that I feel reformed.

Well.... what could I start with?

Endless Fight

The weeks are going fast.
Tutorials are uploaded mindlessly and the difficulty increases every week.
It feels like a ranking system or leveling in a game.
Some assignment looks easy, but they are really intimidating.

I am always on the mindful path, but sometimes my senses just float away without awareness.
I still judge, but lesser each day till the fact that taking a 45 minute transport is a real breeze.
I try to make eye contact to anyone I see, increasing my confident level.

My senses, they are strong. They have to be made use of by being aware.
Trance music becomes seriously uplifting and it lived up to its name, when I listen to it mindfully.
With awareness, focusing and completing tasks become a cakewalk.

I have to keep this level of positivity in check.
I am all about wisdom, knowledge and mindfulness now.

I will continue to harvest more.
However, the word 'more' is a pitfall. Too much and one may not feel so good anymore.
Keeping the balance in life is always the important factor.

Mindfulness: keep REAL calm, and keep going.

Yet another week down

Week 3 was rather tough.

A little fatigue started kicking in but I managed to counter it.
My thoughts went wild once again and had half-success in stopping it.

The things I see everyday plagues my mind.
The main reason being that I see everyone heads down on their phone every time.
Also I see people unable to pay attention to their food they eat.
They had to simultaneously eat and reply messages at the same time.
All the taste is lost, don't you think?

Today is Friday. After classes, I went down to Plaza Singapura to catch Lucy by myself.
I've heard negative comments about this movie.
However, it doesn't stop me from watching it.

Well, one reason being that Scarlett Johansson is the lead.
She's my favourite actress this time around.
After reading some of her interview questions on IMDB, I concluded that she's a strong willed person.
She is someone who I am envious of.

Secondly, the movie is about cerebral stuff and that means BIOLOGY!
Man, my interest is biology is so great! And the starting scene showed MITOSIS!
100% Cerebral function - that has got to do with evolution.

These two reasons are enough for me to catch the movie no matter what comments I've heard.

Sure enough, I've enjoyed it. Thanks to Luc Besson!
Oh, there was another scene where Lucy (Scarlett Johansson) was rewinding and fast forwarding time!
I knew that 100% has to do with our cells BENDING TIME!
Love those Physics theories applied in this film.

After watching Lucy, I headed to times bookstore and read this book titled "Mindfulness on the Go".

It really expanded my views.
With it, I finally understood our parents' traditional views on table etiquette.
With it, I also finally understood Nike's slogan "Just Do It".

Finally, this is one achievement that I've LONGED to attain.
Communicating with girls.
In just 2 days, I was able to speak with girls without a problem.
It happened so naturally, like a simple every day task.
I really don't know how I managed it but it just happened.
Partly have to thank the group work which some modules gave us.
And also my courage to speak up when a girl sat beside me.

During the last 2 semesters, I always had the fear of speaking the first word to a girl.
Now that I know I am capable, I have to stay this way.

So, zenhabits was all about mindfulness. I have to keep practicing it.

Breathe.

Yes, that one word is everything to mindfulness.
This moment, now, is everything.

Assignments

 

That's right, I did all my tutorials ahead of time.
It is a long lost achievement.

I hope I can continue tackling the fear of not-knowing-how-to-do.

Week 3

Week 1 and 2 was the administration and input week.
Starting tomorrow, comes the classes for outputs which are Tutorials and Labs.

Is it fast? Yeah, it's doubtlessly true.
I have a theory on this:
I watched one of the Vsauce video.
It is said that the more people there is in the center of Earth, the faster the Earth spins.

So if that is true, the higher the total population on Earth, wouldn't it meant that Earth spins faster too and thus time will fly?
Of course, the thing is we have no idea how many people will there be in the center of Earth.
But the larger the population, the higher the chance. At least that's what I am thinking.

Don't mind my random blabbering.
I just love to piece things together to form a new reason.

Well, at least I am quite sure I have lived these 14 days of moment.
With thanks to my new positivity and my willingness.
I really see things with a different light this time.
Of course I hope it will and WILL stay this way till the end of the semester.

So, tutorials and labs.
Somehow I am subconsciously filling random expectations of what I have to do during these classes.
I shouldn't and really have to stop, because like I said before, it messes with the mind with unnecessary fear.
This will cause fight or flight response to be generated and having such choice in the mental can wear one out.

Remove all expectations, live in the moment.

The Change

After my disruption from National Service, I had only a week to prepare before my very first semester of NUS starts.

Back then there was a whole lot of fear piled on me.
I did not know why but as confused as I was, I knew it had to be National Service.
At first, those fear made me reluctant to head to school most of the time.

• I couldn't bring myself to sleep early.
(Fear of tomorrow)
• I couldn't bring myself to prepare and read for lectures before the day.
(Fear of not able to understand)
• I couldn't face people.
(Fear of judgement and fear of tarnishing self-esteem)

I could only go with the flow.

As a result, my grades for first semester was atrocious.

And so for the second semester, I lightened my load, in which I only took 4 modules.
Hopefully to give myself time to think and find a way out of those fears, whilst tackling school assignments.

It helped to a certain extent indeed, although I was still fighting the fatigue I had.
The end result? My grades slightly improved.

Then came the long 3 months vacation.
I wanted to find a part time job, but that certain fear still exists in me and I couldn't, again, bring myself to look for it.

Although I found many, most required a 'resume' which I had no idea how to write.
So, I turned away from the issue and led my life as it is.
Even though if I were to start learning how to write it, I would still have the fear of not knowing what to present in it.

After my Taiwan trip, I figured I still had to find a part time job but still couldn't do so...
I gave up.

Instead, I use the remaining 2 months of time to read up on Lifehacks and tinybuddha. I also seek for ways to improve myself biologically.

I researched on nutrients and actually realised that I don't quite eat food or meat that frequent, leading to many issues with my body that I had, and fatigue being one of it.

I started off with my problem of eating.
I wondered why I did not eat much and always at loss of appetite.
Bought Betaine HCL from iHerb.
It helped slightly. I felt better eating and releasing my bladder was smoother.

Then I researched further.
Vitamins B6, B12, Omega 3, Tyrosine, 5-HTP and many others.
Bought them on iHerb too.

Every morning I would take these supplements.
Together with the reading of wisdom articles, I am glad the change is here.

I feel a lot more positive:
• Sleeping early became an easy task.
• Focusing on long (>4 hours) back-to-back lectures became an easy task.
• Distractions became less existence.
• Lesser use of social networks - but even if I do, positive statuses are more prominent now.
• Facing problems seemed easier.
• Bad breath is gone! Where previously drinking water literally worsens my breath.
• Communicating with people seems fun.
• Less multi-tasking. Shifting focus here and there really tires one out.

There's more and this huge list feels so much like an achievement. Feels like a long lost attitude too.

Gonna continue this way and I really want it to turn out good after practicing it long term.

Keep life simple, keep focus!

Social Network(s) and Attraction

It used to be fun, the days of MSN Messenger and Friendster.
Where communicating easily was meant to be used on a computer.
Not so much expecting and the needs to reply instantly is there?

Those were when people, especially girls, aren't as egoistic as today.
Let me list a few of the social networks that are available now:

• Facebook
• Twitter
• Instagram
• Skout
• Badoo
• MeowChat
• Okcupid
• BeeTalk
• Tagged

and many more...
Some 'play' app where you like or dislike a 'photo':

• Paktor
• Tinder
• BeeTalk

From my understanding of psychology and female's needs, all these networks and apps are social busters. ( And the companies generate revenue endlessly. )

Seeing how most of them 'advertise' their Instagram accounts everywhere but end up setting private. How contradicting.

They constantly post photos, 'demanding' likes, yes just likes.. to make themselves feel good.
They reject people/guys who they think aren't worthy based on a photo.
Their needs and expectations increase to a point of ego.
They create billions of layers of walls within their heart.
They get bored REALLY easily.

The males will make use of those to 'hunt'.

While commuting, take a look around you.
Count the number of male and female on the cabin of the train or the carriage of the bus you are in, who are looking down at their mobile/portable device.

Tell me, are there at least 90% and most of them are female?
I am quite sure because that's how I have been observing almost every single days.
Honestly, even the number of guys are increasing.
Plus even older people have 'participated' in this act.

If the feeling of attraction is infused from eye contact between opposite genders, how then will there be attraction when they just keep looking at their mobile/portable devices?
So instead, people make use of apps to 'fill in the lost attraction' all to the point of finding out creeps, stalkers and losers.
Being genuine, the minority, doesn't stand a chance.

Sure, we live in a world of filling needs by ourselves, with thanks to technology, but I feel it is becoming robotic and emotionless.

It became a habit and people will not erase a habit that easily.
Also, it isn't surprising how developed countries have low birthrates, all stemming from these nonsense, that contributes to one of the factor.

If epigenetic is true, such habit will be passed down to the later generation and there we will see an even worse group of people.
Or maybe not, since I will then be too old to care or actually gone from the later biological junkyard.

Then again, all these stems from personal expectation of someone.
Which leads to a whole lot of disappointments and they get annoyed.

Frankly, all these platforms have became a kind of social experiment for me.
Experiencing, being critical and then analysing the outcome. Yup it definitely is.

Yep, continuing all these mindless chasing on our mobile devices will most likely lead to an abhorrent effect.

EDIT: I've just read an article from TIME.
Shirley Zussman said on the evils of cell phones:

I’m shocked at the lack of connection between people because of iPhones. There is so much less of actual physical connection. There’s less touching, there’s less talking, there’s less holding, there’s less looking. People get pleasure from looking at each other. From a smile, and touching. We need touching to make us feel wanted and loved. That’s lacking so much in this generation. Lack of looking, lack of touching, lack of smiling. I don’t get it. I don’t get how people aren’t missing that, and don’t seem to think they are.

Those are words from a 100 year old.
Goodness, I am 23 and I freaking know that already!

Expectations

Long before I have always heard of 'The more you expect, the more you will be disappointed'.

I thought of the how but couldn't quite get the process of it.

Now, I finally understood.

Life Hack didn't quite explain it after publishing so many articles.
No offense but most of those articles/links felt like revenue generator.
However, they are a good read.
Helps to a certain extent.

With zenhabits' article titled How to Master the Art of Living, the author gave a straightforward example.
It opened my mind.

Living in the moment, thinking neither about past or present nor how difficult a task may get became a whole lot easier.

My experience so far, after the start of this semester, had been positive.
Wearing a smile became a simple task, and my consciousness actually shifted back to myself.
There is a lot less fear of 'how would others think of me?'.

Of course, there are still other flaws which I have to tackle, especially my anxiety issue.
I still get nervous easily and I am afraid this would cause negativity all over again.

Nevertheless, stop expecting and start living!

Day of Math

Wednesday is probably the simplest day of my week.

1 hour of CS2100 and 2 hours of MA1521 lecture starting next week.
But for today, it's just the 2 hours of MA1521.

Today we learnt about Squeeze Theorem and IVT.
It's again, new methods to solve different types of question.

Maths has always been identify and apply for me.
Unless it's a proving question.

After lecture, I recapped with my friends on the first chapter, including Tutorial 1.
Sometimes, assisting friends really make my day.
It makes me feel special, needed in a way.

Such feeling would probably be enhanced if it's a girl who is asking for my help.
Of course, action of bias aside, this is just bodily chemistry at work.

Mentioning about girls, I just don't know what's wrong with my fate of relation with them.
I can't seem to break through their 'pass' condition, despite the numerous tries to make a simple contact of saying 'hi'. Oh I meant on social networks.

I feel strange, as if I looked intimidating to them. Do I look intimidating in the first place? Friends told me no, but I am still unsure. Well, everyone has only their face being the only 'value' on the Internet. It's not like our faces have thoughts written on it.

I haven't had a new girl-friend since my polytechnic years. I think I've mentioned this before somewhere, but it's always great to state it again.
I just feel imbalanced, knowing that my social circle contains 90% of guy friends.
Not that there's any wrong with that but I guess it's one of my goal to balance it out.

I should just live without goals, making life minimal.
Thoughts are just passer-by, they shouldn't exist.
Thoughts are the main problem which triggers most of our fight or flight response.

On a side story regarding my time table update,
I have finally been allocated all the slots, not really something I want but it'll do.
What's better is the news from my MA1521 lecturer saying that we are allowed to join any tutorial group there is, just making sure that attendance is marked.
Which means I can join my friends instead of rushing back and forth in venue on Tuesday.

Such Luck

It was our tutorial balloting results.

Out of 5 modules, I've only been allocated into the slots I want for CS2100.
The rest didn't stand a chance and now my time table is totally messed up.

I have only 2 choices now; take classes which eats up my free day that is on Thursday or take one of the slot which is earlier in the morning.
I should convince myself to take one of the earlier day slot for the sake of the free day.

In any case, I think I am now way more lonelier than previous 2 semesters.

Neither in CS2100 Lecture nor tutorial and lab do I have any friends with me.
No accompany in CS2105 and MA1521.
Meanwhile I am all alone too in ES1102 and GE2228.

GREAT! Now where in the heck can I find more friends?
It seems like what I wish to do, the amount of force pulling me away is extreme.

Not sure I understand how the world works.

Never mind, let me be mindful and live in the moment.
Planning all these time table and the stress over it is really unnecessary.

Only by living in the moment, forgetting about the past and future, can one then feel what is present all about.

Start of a New Semester

It was the start of a new semester, on the 11th of August.

One thing for sure, I was rather excited, unlike the last 2 semesters.
I was able to wake up really early on that day, without the need of alarm. When such action happens, it usually means 'ready to tackle'!

Think about it; if someone, like me previously, whom always think about running away from lectures, friends, relations and exams but is forced to be, would really wear him/her out. Once worn, the 'readiness' is then diminished and all the negativity and unwillingness kicks in.

The modules I am taking this semester are:
CS2100 COMPUTER ORGANIZATION
CS2105 INTRODUCTION TO COMPUTER NETWORKS
MA1521 CALCULUS FOR COMPUTING
ES1102 ENGLISH FOR ACADEMIC PURPOSES
GE2228 WEATHER AND CLIMATE

Out of the 5, I think my worse worries will be MA1521.
CS2100 and CS2105 is much of a build up from what I learnt in my previous level of education so hopefully the amount of worry will be less.

As for ES1102, I have been carving out a script in my head and actually typed it down for what I want to say during the first 'Ice-breaking' session in which each student has to self-introduce for 5 minutes.

Self-introduce for 5 minutes; that's gonna be my first time doing so. Every time I think about the script in my head, it makes me really nervous. And I am known to get anxious easily.

The first week has passed, so far so good actually.

All these excitements, I am unsure if its due to myself reading articles about mindfulness or is it the supplements I take or is it the smile I try to wear everyday when I woke up or maybe it's the disconnection from Facebook which actually helped. So many factors and Biochemistry is really just too complicated.

Such methods are really to bring myself back to the days I was in my Polytechnic years, active and willing. The amount of fear which National Service has put in me literally threw me off the edge. For 2 years, those fear has been piling up mentally, equating to unmeasurable amount.

Nevertheless, I wish myself all the best in positivity and mindfulness thinking. With more consciousness as I age, self-help is really necessary.

How to Train Your Dragon

This is the first time, ever in my life, I actually pay to watch a movie in cinemas the second time.
I'd never thought I will become a fan of a franchise, cause being a fan is just not me, but it happened.

Yep 2 miracles and those are because of the film - How to Train Your Dragon.
I am not sure what kind of elements they have put into the films but one thing I am sure is that they are films of emotional roller coaster. I loved 95% of the scenes in the first film and 99% for the second.

You know how people gets threatened and they end up giving up the answers after breaking down. Think of a graph with a curve that describes the emotions, it's straight then it goes downhill and stays there.

Well, for this franchise it's the opposite. But it goes up and down and up and down once more then UP FOR THE LAST PART.

Let me describe what my thoughts are about the first film:
• Hiccup realises that dragons have feelings, once he released Toothless from the trap he had shot, because Gobber said a dragon always go for the kill but Toothless did not.
• That 'Forbidden Friendship' scene, it maxes out the emotion because of the soundtrack by John Powell. Once Hiccup raises his arm and Toothless makes that small movement to touch Hiccup's hand, that was it. I cried literally. I can feel that bond, that friendship, that connection from then on from just a slight touch. One can imagine a glow between these two characters when they touched. It's just beautiful, not to mention they used a sunset scene where the lighting really matches the mood. And of course, the soundtrack. Without it, this scene would be like 'what the heck is going on?'.
• How Toothless's pupil of his eye changes from small to huge, showing the emotion of the dragon.
• Then there's Astrid. Her character is really awesome, that tough exterior and soft interior, her fringe covers one of her eye, showing a subtle badass-ness. The way she battles in The Ring, those expressions on her face and eyes. I just like her.
• Well, then also about Astrid and Hiccup. To me, Astrid seems to show a subtle vibe of care for Hiccup (the scene where they were having a campfire and Hiccup left quickly after Gobber ended the campfire then Astrid was surprised). Feels really platonic and lovely.
• How Hiccup learns every bit of dragon from Toothless and using it in The Ring. I don't know, these scenes feel refreshing. You learnt something so make use of it. And how this surprised everyone to their eyes opened really huge. Loved that.
• 'Test Drive' scene, yet another emotional roller coaster scene. First off, when it comes to flight, there's always this SOARING feel. And how does that feel expand out for me? Freedom, yes freedom. That's the high, it feels really really majestic good. What happens after that is Hiccup was thrown off from Toothless, leading to danger. That's the 'OH NO' part. Another high but it's really up and down. After recovering, Hiccup throws away his cheat sheet (THEN THE SOUNDTRACK GOES CLIMATIC), gliding through the rocks without reliance of the cheat sheet. Feels good doesn't it? Feels like you've mastered something and you go AWESOME, YAY! The soundtrack plays a huge role here. NOT TO FORGET the expressions on both Hiccup and Toothless, wow just wow...
• After the 'Test Drive' scene, is the last match in The Ring. This is where Astrid's expressions are really good. Makes me feel attached to the character even more because of this scene.
• Then the part Astrid founds out about Toothless. The lighting put onto Astrid sitting on top of the rock, with the sun shafting and the shadows, midtones and highlights really makes her looks like she's going on a kill streak. Those little details are just worth it and well considered.
• And so the 'Romantic Flight'. Subtle, soft, where picture (emotions and expressions of character) and music takes the lead. The beauty in every landscape and lighting here. (And wow if only getting a girl's acceptance is this simple.)
• After they land, the script and expressions takes the lead. Feels simple yet there's a huge impact somehow. That 'yes' with a straight face from Hiccup, owwwow and causing Astrid's expression to change.
• Then following are the scenes of down mood, where Stoick couldn't believe what was happening and captured Toothless as bait.
• The script for Astrid and Hiccup is quite a game-changer here. Astrid is helping Hiccup to realise that his actions aren't shameful but his warmth for the dragons are well, warming. The part where Hiccup says he is the first Viking who wouldn't kill a dragon but Astrid replied saying, "First one to ride one though.". - it hit me, it really did and how it actually changed Hiccup.

..... oh man too much to describe.

App Developed

Well, well.

This accomplishment, so new, so strong.

Ever had many events and wish to remember them?
Ever wanted to jot down what happened on this date?
Ever wish to know how long had happened since that event?

Yep - Eventful is the app!

More Programming

Quick summary of what I've learnt for Android development:

• NotificationManager: Basically how to create notifications which appear in the notification window, by using NotificationBuilder or NotificationCompat.Builder. There's more to it though, like running an action after clicking on the notification and many others.

• Alarm: Setting off an action after a certain time. Requires a BroadcastReceiver, and overriding the method onReceive().

• DateTime Picker/Dialog: This one is interesting. There's other requirements for it to work, like Dialog where there are listeners to implement. Calendar class is required too in order to fully utilise the Date and Time.

• ListView with Search

• Custom Adapter + ListView with custom Filter (Search): This is one tough shit! Feels like I am doing my schoolwork all over again. Lots of implementations. The Filter class is the unknown to me, but I guess the longer I use it I could understand better.

Right, so those above are the list so far. The reason for me learning and understanding the last set 'Custom Adapter + ListView with custom Filter' is due to my intent to replicate an app called Time Flies. This app allows the user to jot down an event that happened with a time alongside. Basically like a diary of what-have-I-did or any type of events for that mattered.

Problem with this app is it's old, last updated 2010 (wow). So I am basically trying to update so it uses the > Android 4 interface plus addition of new functionality such as search and more. Of course the app itself is great and does what it has to but once the database increases to more than 200 plus, one's not gonna scroll through the list to find out that event so a search is really required.

---

On other side of my life, I've put myself into the disconnect mode. I have deactivated my Facebook with the option "This is temporary. I'll be back.". I know, the reaction from people I would get is obviously 'lol'. LOL all you want, but this is just me. I have been trying to reach out with people but it's a no avail type of quest. Although there are successes but these successes are short lived as I don't seem to be the kind to chat with people all day long. So, a disconnect could possible give me a good reason to find myself back on path, which so far it seems good.

As far as connection is concerned, I still use Twitter for feed purposes. Not many interact with me on Twitter so all's good, I use it like Blogger and it's simply a microblogging platform (well that's what Twitter is in the first place). Rant, daily thoughts, yep all posted.

Social media are really just filled with senseless opinions. They want this, they want that and one gets easily influenced and for that purpose, I became a victim. I began to accept some of my addictions, accept that I don't socialize, accept that I am just passive. I can try to change but it always fallback to what I actually am. So just accept... it. Not gonna venture further.

Just me..

Programming and Movies

Have been learning a lot of Android development lately.
Many of it are simply basic implementations, getting to know the SDK.

But well learning it, writing it and then it results in a working input/output really provides a sense of achievement and satisfaction in return.

But here's what I learnt so far:

• Setting Holo Dark theme and Holo Light theme on the fly with an option using just 'this.recreate()', together with 'setTheme(style)'.
• QR Code Scanner - wow this is one is really hard as I couldn't understand how to implement most of the libraries. Most of it are having incomplete documentations... Especially the ZXing's version. But well a friend managed to provide me with a working library and working example where I could implement it with ease.
• Understanding of 'Context' in Android and how passing it to another Class is important to work with the UI.
• Oh with QR Code Scanner I managed to understand slightly on how AsyncTask works with HTTP GET/POST and also onPostExecute method is important to update main thread. Need to dive in more into this to get to know fully.
• Some basic layout properties.
• Facebook SDK! Simple Login to Facebook and getting the username from the Session and Request Me.

On the other hand, I've been watching some movies which I've missed on the big screen:
• Her 2013
• Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit 2013

Other movies are:
• Broken Hill 2009
• Gattaca 1997

Her is best in the list above. And I especially love one of the what-feels-like-poem to me script:

It’s like I’m reading a book
And it’s a book I deeply love
But I’m reading it slowly now
So the words are really far apart
And the spaces between the words are almost infinite
I can still feel you, and the words of our story
But it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now.
It’s a place that’s not of the physical world
It’s where everything else is that I didn’t even knew existed.

I love you so much
But this is where I am now
And this is who I am now
And I need you to let me go.

Meanwhile I also loved the story of Broken Hill. Without Alexa Vega, I probably wouldn't know of this beautiful spiritual movie.

Sims 3

I must say I've been quite addicted in Sims 3 after knowing that I could download the Store contents plus many mods which makes the game easier/faster.

I have also made some tuning mods on my own.

I tried to build a futuristic house using the theme of Into The Future and I think I created one which seems fabulous I should say.

Some screens should speak about it:

Exterior Mini Kitchen + Dining Hallway from entrance

Weakness

I compared, I feared, I backed off.

Yes, I was very used to comparing with people, from appearance to intelligence to beliefs and opinions. I loved to challenge and proving I am right.

Till now, I still am but just not so much. It's just appearance, intelligence and beliefs.

Yes, however I see this as a weakness of mine, a very profound one. As I age I know such behaviour is intolerant, therefore I started backing out and pushing people away. I am good at that.

I figured both ways leads me to hell. I couldn't stand comparing with people because I fear I may lose the person close to me. Backing off lay waste to my own benefit where I won't get to know anyone as period goes.

Then again, if I do not compare I feel I may lose out silently and if I don't back out I may end up in a heated argument.

I am still torn in between. Those changes I am dealing with are difficult, really difficult. At the same time I am trying to tear down this damn wall of 'somestrongelement'-ium. At the same time, I want to get in the battle.

So what should I choose? The peace path or the killing path? For which I know I was on the killing path but it did not work out and now I have been trying to walk into the peace path.

Having such characteristic, I tend to think that everyone else is the same. I fear asking for assistance because I 'know' people have their own battles to fight. Such battles to fight using their own skills and knowledge where they aren't eager to impart.

I don't know.

Health

This is my third time falling sick this semester.
And worse of all it all comes from the same cause - stomach.

First was due to a bowl of laksa from campus. Second was due to some food from campus and third was literally due to no-food day. Yup, it is indeed all stomach alright.

Because of this, I have to, really have to find out the root of this issue as I know a healthy stomach would not have pertain to such resort. This time I probably got it right (hopefully), without the aid of a doctor once again.

Honestly I can never trust a doctor anymore because of the country I live in. Well this reason itself is enough actually but there are others. Like, most medications given doesn't really 'cure' the root of the problem. Of course they do solve the current outbreak, just quicker.

I've realised for the very past years since my Polytechnic days, my first episode of a stomach.. ulcer? flu? problem didn't get me thinking. I just thought oh it came just because I ate some wrong food. However, I must say that was probably the start of all problems.

I love researching, and I did. At first I was told to take Antacid as a solution but hey wait, those are for acid reflux and heartburn mainly which I don't exhibit. The symptoms I exhibited are:

• Bloating stomach (most of the time), even small meals
• Constant burping, even hours after meal
• Gas which smells (talk about embarrassment...)
• Bad breath - this is forever, around since ... ugh

Checked thoroughly with information, and it seems to be LOW STOMACH ACID. With this problem, it leads to protein deficiency. Researched for protein deficiency and I found that the symptoms which I AM EXHIBITING are:

• Excessive Dry Skin
• Ridges in finger and toe nails (in my case only fingernails)
• Constant craving for snacks

It seems to add up alright,
low stomach acid -> protein deficiency -> problems with external areas .

Excessive Dry Skin, yes literally to the fact that holding to a metal pole has NO FRICTION AT ALL.

Well I went out to local pharmaceutical stores to check out for Betaine HCL which is the supplement for low stomach acid but to no avail. Everywhere they are selling Antacid... Resorted to online store iHerb and purchased one, hopefully it will be delivered within 3 days and I could start restoring my health. If all goes right.

Updates

Many had happened since my last post- mostly good I must say.

The awesome thing is, I feel that I am back on track. Negative thoughts are slowly disappearing (and it MUST stay this way).
Ever since a friend asked me to get started on Android development, it felt like my hobby and life has been reinvigorated.

I learnt many parts of the Android SDK, namely:
•JSONParser
•XMLParser
•ListView
•SQLiteHelper
and many more...
plus running Root shell commands on Android.

With it, I've managed to create 2 apps so far (well, of course it's an achievement for me), and they are PSI retriever and Reboot Tool.

Reboot Tool

PSI Retriever

These two apps are available on my site:
How about my social life?
I've always, in my mind, say that my social life is crap. My 'classic' clique are all in their own world - money, relationship and progression.

Meanwhile, I am still down the stairs. So naturally, the topics to talk about becomes few and really all I wanted to is to have less contact with them.

For that I have to find someone else with common topics, and I am glad there is (well of course there will be lol).

Also, on 25/3 Tuesday, after my first class and which then I have 3 hours break. I went around trying to find a good spot to stay idle or use my phone after lunch. I sat down at the corridor linking from CLB to Comp and a few moments later, 2 lovely ladies approached me.

The starter question they asked included the word 'faith'. My mind seems to process that word differently apparently. Thing is, many approached me before on this but I always rejected them as I think their starter was quite straight asking which religion am I.

The word 'faith' is everywhere, not just pertaining to religion. So, I accepted them readily and it was a great sharing session. I don't normally share my views with strangers but somehow it might be that I have been longing to share my views regarding beliefs, faith and religion. And I literally opened up, woah that was really new for me.

Without that session, I probably wouldn't know that I could do this so I must thank the 2 ladies for approaching me.

That's about it thus far.

Endless

<--- Just a quick update of happenings before this post.
O'rio our pet bunny passed away on 17/02/2014. My heart was sorrow, caressing its motionless body made me shed tears.

Dear pet O'rio,
Your accompany in these 5 years was meaningful. 
Despite your constant escape and hiding in a narrow space while we try to grab hold of you, still you inevitably allow us to pat your head like it's the best gift in the world. 
The best part of you was always the energy filled soul and always determined to fight your own way. 
Hope you will find a better light and path somewhere.

R.I.P O'rio

Last Wednesday 19/02/2014 after CS2010 Tutorial session, clique and I went to The Deck to have lunch.

First off, The Deck kinda sucks because usually the stall that sells the most 'edible' food would be the Yong Tau Foo. Despite knowing that the laksa from this stall gave me quite a problem last semester, I bought the same bowl again.

Nothing happens immediately of course until the next day... What's worse is that the first class is our CS2010 mid-term test in which how I fared I shall not say.

So during the test, I had an inevitable backache and it's not the kind of ache from posture but from the constant generation of white/red blood cells(?) . Right, oh shit then goes my thoughts. A fever is coming I say. And I blamed the laksa again and again and again. Screw that. It's either my cells had an allergic reaction to some of the ingredients they added or it's something else...  (had to apply what I learnt in Biology classes)

Twice in a row this had happened and they are just before recess week starts... irony coincidence. Yup, so I was down.. really down and took two days, Thursday night and Friday to at least recover 85%.

In that meantime, my mind was filled with worry thought, as usual:
"When will I recover so I can start on my assignments?"
Some other random thoughts include:
"Damn, I wanted to head out and take a walk or something but this has to happen!"
"No, I lost all of what I am trying to gain."

With that and now that I am almost back on feet, the worry thought changed to:
"How will I be able to complete all these within the recess week?"

Argh! I am always filled with worry and anxiety.
Besides, there's 2 tests immediately after the break. Sigh~

Well, lengthy and annoying assignments . . . I have no idea what to do with you.

In other update, and I would not be embarrassed to say about this, is that I have been quite active on Okcupid, Skout and Tagged, in hopes to make new (girl)friends. Judgers please judge because I find that being "closed" will then cause the action of judging. So, there's no harm trying to open up. Oh also, I emailed someone whom I happened to see her name on her Ez-Link card one day... (actually this was rather long weeks ago, lol.. only surprised to know that she replies and 'kind of' entertain)

I'll just cut it short.. Quite a few fruitful results but obviously all conversations literally led to nowhere. I have no idea which part is the restrictive zone. However what I do know is in my case, being social or not seems to end up in the "unsocial" side of the weighing scale. Nevertheless, I am still glad I tried.

Completion of Miniproject + Euphoria

From 1300 hours, I started on my LSM1302 Miniproject.

The project require students to create an informational brochure regarding Down Syndrome.
The audience have to be assumed as someone who does not know Down Syndrome at all, which basically means layperson.

At 2300 hours, I've completed it. That's 10 hours!

Here's a snapshot of my brochure front page:

That sense of satisfaction was so great, knowing that I've applied some skills in making that.
On the down side, even though I have cleared a major to-do, there's still more...:

SIGH!

Nonetheless, I went to listen to some Trance music to further enhance my mood and realised that one of the ID track that I loved in Blue Soho Sessions 035 had its title revealed!

Blue Horizon & Shyprince - Ancient Temple (Original Mix)

Yes, that's the track title. Sooo gonna purchase it when it's out!
One thing that puzzles me is the title - as to me it felt more like a Winter type of melodies than "Temple".

Every time...

I can't possibly ignore and get a 0. As with my current state of knowledge, it's impossible to complete an assignment of such level.

Such a situation gives me a rush of chemicals which induces my state of negativity where:
Trance music didn't help.
Games pisses me off.
I see everyone as 'evil'.
I am just worse off.

Well, this literally left me without a choice.

Why? Just why am I unable to code an algorithm?

Here's some self-analysis:
I understood the basics of OOP but I may not understand how to use objects.
Linking classes all over has become a conspicuous weakness.
Plus with all these issues, putting them together into algorithm is just impossible.

So, to practice? Yea sure, when all of these craps have deadlines of less than a week.
University is so bent on students producing results instead of learning.

Only the 'best' gets what they want, the weak will just fall.
It's the same ideology of "Rich gets richer, poor gets poorer.".