Direction

How does it feel when one is lost in the direction of life?

I was walking on a really straight road until I came across a dead end, or a mountain without tunnels. The only path left was to head back but obviously, why would I?

Looking at my friends, one quitted University, knowing that he has another path to take.
Others, have business opportunities and maybe connections to go further. There's nothing much for them to worry to succeed in life.

While me? I have NONE, NOTHING!
This is the only path I can take which is just studies. My road isn't split into 2 or more paths at one point of the time, not at all.

Without it, my life is empty, just a walking shell without any capabilities. Sure, it sounds like I am looking down on myself but why would I say this if it isn't the fact?

Anyway why do I say I have came to a dead end?
Well, apart from Mathematics, anything that I've done so far where I tried to my duly best seems to result in nothing, no improvements at all. Maybe I am comparing too much, maybe I am thinking too much or maybe I am unwilling I am not sure. But all I am feeling now is there's no hope.
If that little glimmer of hope is not even present, how am I suppose to believe?

Friends kept telling me to move on, but is it really possible even at this point where everything is on the edge? I don't really see the passing grade for most of my modules right now. All I see is blank, plain blanks especially if I were to be sitting in the examination hall, soon again. And that obviously leads to even nearer to the edge (Goodness, how small can an edge be?).

It isn't my academics that is stuck. I think even my social connection isn't any better as well.
I don't see how I am useful to people around me - such belief always make me avoid people, with the thoughts and maybe expressing a masked face that says "Hey, I have nothing to guide or help you, please just avoid me." Hmm, sounds really sad right but yeah, actually this shitty thought has always been in me since long ago, partly came about from my childhood life. Of course, I wouldn't stop anyone if they want to come into my life for I know they will eventually stop contacting me at some point of time. It's my self proven experience, came packaged with my life.

More to say, it's like a turtle which came out of its shell to look at the world but ended up shrivelling back after encountering something foreign.

Sometimes I just wish to help, but that feeling of being incapable makes it somewhat impossible.
Sometimes I just want to know more people, but with a cynical view of people and materialism and what not, I don't really want to do it.

It's virtually impossible for me to make new friends on the street or anywhere else in this country (especially). One don't simply find a kind soul that easily. Most have dubious intentions.

Sigh...
How can I even find that direction back? How can I break away from beliefs that seems to be stopping me? How can I gain interest in things that I don't even like in the first place?

Too many how(s), just too many.

긋닥터 K-Drama

One of my friend introduced this K-Drama to me by telling me that's this actress who looked a bit like Kim Tae Hee.

I was intrigued.

So I went to search for its wiki, and also downloaded the drama.
Best thing is that the soft-subs were quick and available.

so,

굿닥터 (Good Doctor)

 

 

It has been months since I watched the last K-Drama IRIS 2.

Refreshing to watch something new again.

 

The show revolves around a kid who has Autism and Savant Syndrome, who wants to be a surgeon once he gets older. Indeed he did with the help of a doctor who known him since young.

 

My review on it:

The drama has a lot a lot of predictable scenes and there are many events that happened literally and obviously made as a coincidence.

Normally, such a script would turn off the viewers but not in this drama's case.

 

There are just too many touching and emotional scenes, TOO MANY! From the care of the children as patients to memories flashback of the main actor's past. +++ ....

 

What I liked about the romance side is there's not so much into it and that way it feels fresh and innocent because my thoughts at first was like "how would someone with autism be able to love wholeheartedly?"

 

Furthermore, from this drama, I can sense and feel how being humane would be like. Something that the society has rid it off, thanks to money (and obviously Singapore is one)..

 

Well, the characters wise I liked all of them and 문채원 just looks like Kim Tae Hee (forgot how to type her name in Korean already.)

 

Pretty.. 예쁜다!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The drama ended today though, with sweet moments. Unlike other K-Drama I've watched, they are so agonizing.