But yesterday, on the 11 Oct, Saturday, was my last paper for mid-term tests.
On the 4th of October last Saturday, it was my sister's wedding day.
Together on that day, it was my first mid-term paper on CS2105 COMPUTER NETWORKING.
The paper was totally doable, and it weighs 20%.
I have no complaints.
I left the hall with a light shoulder and a smile.
Then I drove to my sis's wedding dinner and had a happy occasion.
The day was fabulous.
Following week, on Wednesday, is my second mid-term paper on MA1521 CALCULUS FOR COMPUTING.
It was alright. I didn't manage to do some questions.
And I had some doubts on questions which I knew.
Unsure of how well will I fare for this paper.
The paper weighs 30%.
After the paper I went to begin on completing my CS2105 Programming Assignment 2.
I was proud of myself for being able to complete it within 2 days all by myself.
It was the best achievement yet again.
And so, yesterday was the last paper on CS2100 COMPUTER ORGANISATION.
I was expecting the paper to be slightly similar to the past 2 years.
But I was wrong.
The paper was a mess for me.
What's worse was I was rushing to the venue as I was almost late.
Leaving me no breathing space before the start of paper.
I was really relaxed before the paper and went in with cool vibe.
But I didn't settle down.
I wasn't able to do most of the questions.
Some were fairly simple and straightforward.
And then after the test, I went to check a few questions.
This is where I realised I made 2 CARELESS MISTAKES which costs me 7 marks.
Then the following night, an answer sheet to the paper was released.
SO MANY ANSWERS WERE WRONG.
SECTION A MCQs KILLED ME!
With the answer sheet, there was another careless mistake being realised.
I counted the marks which I obtained. 21/60. Great, just great.
With the paper weighing 40%, this is the worse.
20% - no problem
30% - slight doubts
40% - DEAD PAPER
IT JUST HAD TO BE THE 40% PAPER. 40%..!!!!!!!!!!
Are you kidding me?
Why does my life filled with all these shit?
Why can't it go all smoothly?
Why must I learn so much from these mistakes?
My childhood was shitty and I have to receive more of such treatment when I am able?
What I've posted on Facebook:
So much effort put in on studies, life and relationship but all in vain.I am always looking to improve my life.
A smile doesn't mean anything anymore.
Confidence doesn't build shit.
Reading to improve on life feels like a setback.
Is this fate of failure? On a sensitive person? Such distraught situation really.
Mindfulness, quotes, blog posts, psychology yes.
But really, it doesn't seem to help at all.. it feels... stuck.
As I said, so much effort put into studies, life and relationship.
I went all out doing all tutorials and made sure I knew them well.
But what I get was a paper which I couldn't do.
Should I beat myself for that?
Should I let it go?
I am overly sensitive, and letting it go is the toughest process.
Furthermore, I tried to get to know a girl, but ended up getting blocked on a communication platform.
Such a huge hint.
Such failure.
Such mistake.
I am all out of ideas.
Makes me wonder if life is a joke for me.
