Willingness

Honestly speaking, during my Polytechnic days, I have absolutely no idea how I got through it with such a breeze.

Everything I did during those days were smooth. Projects completed like a month before the actual commencement, 2 to 4 tutorials completed way before the tutorial lesson for that particular topic.

Not sure if it's that powerful mind and will or it's just something, someone is helping out with my past path.

But now, it seems like I have to be in control of everything. Things seems to become a havoc if I don't bother about it and those workload accumulation will become even more. Maybe it's the bad coordination between time and studies itself as I've said time seems to be much faster these days or maybe it's just the time table that I have now or it's my vitality to keep on going.

Well, talking about taking control, it requires WILLPOWER. Without that, one will just give everything up. WILLPOWER requires interest too. With interest comes that urge to learn where it fuels up the will. So how much interest do I have to keep this up? Besides, knowing that one of the module is rather out of my interest.

So how can I fill up an interest of a topic when before I don't even have a pint of it? I've always been reading www.lifehack.org, hoping to find some shortcuts and assist to get the best for myself. It does help but not enough.

I have never taken health in account when it comes to studies and it seems like I can't do the same like before anymore. For example, have 4 hours of sleep instead of 6 or more just before an 8AM class for tomorrow. I used to do that all the time without a single problem. Yup but now, fatigue LITERALLY fills up when I do that. Just like an overclocked CPU where the temperature rises when too much processing power is used and the computer ends up BSOD and crashes.

I really don't know how I can continue this. And being a Capricorn makes all these dreadful event even worse. A personality where there's no rest allowed when things aren't completed.

Oh I have to also add that, my mindset about NUS is that everyone is just way too smart, discussing topics extensively, solving problems like a breeze. It makes me feel like I am the 小物, and making me 小物见大物. I don't know really, I am not in place.

Two pictures below are the worse for my brain to process. More especially the left one.


Study.

It's already Week 2 of Semester 1 and it's coming Week 3 soon enough. It has been 2 weeks since I disrupted (should I even remind myself of that?).

I always feel that time is going faster and faster. Not faster as in personal feel but the way Earth rotates and spins around its axis. Not sure if anyone else thinks the same way as me too.

Anyways, my modules are:

CS1020
MA1301
GEK1002
SSA2209
LSM1301

3 cores, 2 ULRs. 1 Programming, 1 Math, 1 Science, 1 Social Studies and 1 History/Geography.

First 2 weeks was great because there's no labs/tutorials and the only day that is filled with tutorials is on Monday, and well which means I had those days off. We have to ballot for the tutorials and laboratories classes so therefore those assignments starts week 3.

Starting that, it's gonna get hectic. I have to wake up at 4.50AM on Monday, Tuesday and Friday so as to prepare, travel and wait for transferring of bus for my 8AM classes.

Going to classes everyday makes me reminisce my Polytechnic days. However, it is totally incomparable as with the fact that NUS environment IS SO AND WAY TOO DAMN STRESSFUL. I couldn't stand staying back in campus for this very reason.

However, I am torn between choosing of whether to head home or to stay.
If I choose home, it can be done but the feel and urge of staying at home just like my old self during Polytechnic days is gone.
If I choose to stay in campus, I think my mind could go berserk. It's funny how I get adrenaline rush with all those nervous system being pumped and heart beating like a beat box when I reach/am in campus.

None of this happens before... I just don't understand.

Back to basics.. all my programming skills and maths are wiped clean from my grey matter. Of course however, stored deep inside. And to make things worse, I have to do Humanities in which I haven't even touched it for 5 - 6 years. Writing of essays? UGH! Being stuck on one side of the brain makes life real hard.

Well, that triggers my stress way much more.
It seems that I am not really back on track yet. A new body profile called 'School' is still being generated.

Hope it generates quickly before I break down or something...