Rejection

This is a new acceptance.
This is a new way to apply mindfulness.
For this, for my first rejection upon an offer.

I wasn't stunned, I was sure.
I wasn't sad, but I was indeed happy to know this could happen.

From a depressed state to a confident state, that's what I could achieve.
From worrying thoughts to in-the-moment thoughts create life.

I couldn't project my care upon someone I like.
But there are many more waving trees in the forest.
I just gotta make sure I put mindfulness and confidence outside of every sets and subsets in life.
Earth is round, so is a Venn Diagram / Set.
Placing the key concept in life outside of it, is the sure way to go.

Keep living, keep it simple.

A Reflective Experience

Last Thursday was the second practical of GE2228 .
I went into Earth Lab, sat behind because somehow I still feel alone.

Then I went to retrieve my marked report of the first practical.
We did well, but others were better.

Didn't really looked for my group mates yet until my Prof started addressing the class.

I looked around quite frantically. But just couldn't find anyone.
So I wrote message into the WhatsApp group that we have.
And I got a reply that one of my group mate was in front.
Honestly I couldn't see her at all...

So after Prof finished addressing the class, I moved up front to her, realising that there are no instruments which we are required to use for this particular practical. Sigh.

Then it started. I can feel it.
The girl who I moved up to, she.. was totally filled with anxiety.
She was as confused as I was with the practical initially.

Then I checked around for my other group mate, she went to the back with her friends, and that leaves us two. Because another one was down with illness, didn't attend the practical.

We had to join up with other groups with new people.
Then her anxiety continues all the way through the 1½ hours.
All of which are questions about the lab.
She was also comparing our first report with other groups' and I think that worsened her anxiety.

Oh my... I tried to calm her down but to no avail.
I almost lost focus but managed to pick up some pace.

Finally, we were able to retrieve some data of the environment with some confusion of what's really going on, for me at least...
I didn't even use the instruments because it was limited in numbers (as usual) and all I did was recording data.

But really, I couldn't blame her.
I know exactly what was running through in her train of thoughts.
She reminded me of my past self, or myself 2 semesters ago to be precise.
At the same time I felt sad for her, because I feel we have all these issues due to the demanding society.

Such psychology effects are built up over a long period of time and it's really not that simple to rid of them all at once overnight.

She's probably a perfectionist, just like me.
People who speaks of the bell curve, generally well are.

Still, she expresses her anxiety, where in my case I hid and ran away from all of it.
It puts me in a situation which I really want to help her, now that I feel reformed.

Well.... what could I start with?

Endless Fight

The weeks are going fast.
Tutorials are uploaded mindlessly and the difficulty increases every week.
It feels like a ranking system or leveling in a game.
Some assignment looks easy, but they are really intimidating.

I am always on the mindful path, but sometimes my senses just float away without awareness.
I still judge, but lesser each day till the fact that taking a 45 minute transport is a real breeze.
I try to make eye contact to anyone I see, increasing my confident level.

My senses, they are strong. They have to be made use of by being aware.
Trance music becomes seriously uplifting and it lived up to its name, when I listen to it mindfully.
With awareness, focusing and completing tasks become a cakewalk.

I have to keep this level of positivity in check.
I am all about wisdom, knowledge and mindfulness now.

I will continue to harvest more.
However, the word 'more' is a pitfall. Too much and one may not feel so good anymore.
Keeping the balance in life is always the important factor.

Mindfulness: keep REAL calm, and keep going.