The Change

After my disruption from National Service, I had only a week to prepare before my very first semester of NUS starts.

Back then there was a whole lot of fear piled on me.
I did not know why but as confused as I was, I knew it had to be National Service.
At first, those fear made me reluctant to head to school most of the time.

• I couldn't bring myself to sleep early.
(Fear of tomorrow)
• I couldn't bring myself to prepare and read for lectures before the day.
(Fear of not able to understand)
• I couldn't face people.
(Fear of judgement and fear of tarnishing self-esteem)

I could only go with the flow.

As a result, my grades for first semester was atrocious.

And so for the second semester, I lightened my load, in which I only took 4 modules.
Hopefully to give myself time to think and find a way out of those fears, whilst tackling school assignments.

It helped to a certain extent indeed, although I was still fighting the fatigue I had.
The end result? My grades slightly improved.

Then came the long 3 months vacation.
I wanted to find a part time job, but that certain fear still exists in me and I couldn't, again, bring myself to look for it.

Although I found many, most required a 'resume' which I had no idea how to write.
So, I turned away from the issue and led my life as it is.
Even though if I were to start learning how to write it, I would still have the fear of not knowing what to present in it.

After my Taiwan trip, I figured I still had to find a part time job but still couldn't do so...
I gave up.

Instead, I use the remaining 2 months of time to read up on Lifehacks and tinybuddha. I also seek for ways to improve myself biologically.

I researched on nutrients and actually realised that I don't quite eat food or meat that frequent, leading to many issues with my body that I had, and fatigue being one of it.

I started off with my problem of eating.
I wondered why I did not eat much and always at loss of appetite.
Bought Betaine HCL from iHerb.
It helped slightly. I felt better eating and releasing my bladder was smoother.

Then I researched further.
Vitamins B6, B12, Omega 3, Tyrosine, 5-HTP and many others.
Bought them on iHerb too.

Every morning I would take these supplements.
Together with the reading of wisdom articles, I am glad the change is here.

I feel a lot more positive:
• Sleeping early became an easy task.
• Focusing on long (>4 hours) back-to-back lectures became an easy task.
• Distractions became less existence.
• Lesser use of social networks - but even if I do, positive statuses are more prominent now.
• Facing problems seemed easier.
• Bad breath is gone! Where previously drinking water literally worsens my breath.
• Communicating with people seems fun.
• Less multi-tasking. Shifting focus here and there really tires one out.

There's more and this huge list feels so much like an achievement. Feels like a long lost attitude too.

Gonna continue this way and I really want it to turn out good after practicing it long term.

Keep life simple, keep focus!