Fly away with time, for it's not infinite but limited

Again and again I am complaining about this -> "time flies", it literally does. Ever since I disrupted from National Service, I felt that everything seems invalid and has no value. That value of new objects which exists in our hands seems to fade away in a day compared to the past where such value fades in a week.

I don't know what's going on. My first Final Examination module starts this Friday and it's gonna be hell, literally burning hot. That sensation of blanking out is so strong and the amount of knowledge and understanding acquired seems insufficient for the examinations.

Unlike before during my Polytechnic years, I complained a lot on my archived blog but with that I still managed to get the results I wanted. Not this time it seems, it doesn't seem to work that way anymore. My brain has literally shut down, neither alive nor vibrant.

Having disorders seems to describe me at best. Attention Deficit Disorder is one of it as to the symptoms I possess seems to match the description. It took me a fine 1 week to actually finish off the revision of one module, how is this possible?! My mind shifts so quickly that I am not even sure I have absorbed anything at all while doing the task of revision.

Negativity just plagues me, to the point even if I seek professional help it might not work at all. Well, I guess I am prepared to retake one of my core modules. Most of my friends didn't believed me but it seems that it is that way with the current results that I am getting. I don't see much hope for this module's examination as there's just way too much to keep up and understand which there's just "not enough time" for that? Coupled with my rapid shifting brain, I guess it just won't work out.

What is my ideal life? I always thought I was some computer guy or geek or nerd, but it seems that such interest which I have cultured since the age of 3 or 4 starts fading away, quickly too. I've chosen this path of computer due to interest but I think I not even sure what I am actually good at, at all. I envy those who have found the path which they can really put their heart and soul into as I think I still have a long way to go.

Maybe I'll just import and sell goods to earn some small and quick income for living.