All in Vain

Alright, that was merely some HTML5 play-around. But that mood meter actually reflects what I am feeling as of today.

Of course, I am known to be always negative but I do have my positive moods at times. It's just really short lived most of the time.

3 weeks more to Semester 1 examinations. Nothing scares me more than having no knowledge or ideas and understandings during examinations.

Sure, modules like Mathematics shouldn't be much of an issue for me but what about the rest? 4 of which, 2 are MCQ based (Biology and Introduction to Japanese Studies) , one essay (Government and Politics of Singapore) and another purely theory and logic (Data Structures and Algorithms) , with applications from understanding of the theories.

MCQs may sound easy but I have neither faith nor confidence in being able to actually answer the questions that are gonna be given. Sure, we have reading weeks and it ought to help to keep up. But I realised that University is really all about critical thinking skills and also problem solving based. All which I don't feel that I am tuned to do so.

Best example is during my group meetings for Introduction to Japanese Studies project essay assignment. Being an introvert, groupworks are ALWAYS tough for me. I can't really speak up, I can only listen and absorb. Once I do that, it feels like I am not contributing and also it may generate gossips throughout like I am not doing anything. Seriously, what am I supposed to do about that?

Data Structures and Algorithms, all about programming and problem solving. Critical thinking is really a necessity here. Coding wise I have no problem with implementing but problem solving? Bad idea... Algorithms really sucks.

Today is the Practical Exam and I have been doing the practices since last Monday. Even though I managed to complete them but it doesn't seem like I am even prepared for it. Like I said it's that thinking skill that matters which I lack thereof...

And obviously for essay writings, one really needs to read and gather all the available knowledge and information for a specific topic. Reading, a word that I was never used to since my secondary school days.

University have really made me uncover my true, real self. What I am good at and what I am not, all of which are revealed in this 3 months.

Sometimes I am not sure how I should even continue with this and really I have actually hoped that I did not even achieved good grades during my Polytechnic years.

I am unable to even achieve neither academically nor human relations here. Seeking help and assistance are last of my resort, where I don't feel like anyone's willing to help at all (an introvert style of thinking once again). All I could do is self-contain, put myself into self-thoughts. Basically it's just self-centered. I don't know what to do, don't know how and what to achieve here. Seems like I am just wasting time.

Withdrawing from University may probably be the next step as I really don't think that it is for me, at all.