Friday, April 11, 2014

Weakness

I compared, I feared, I backed off.

Yes, I was very used to comparing with people, from appearance to intelligence to beliefs and opinions. I loved to challenge and proving I am right.

Till now, I still am but just not so much. It's just appearance, intelligence and beliefs.

Yes, however I see this as a weakness of mine, a very profound one. As I age I know such behaviour is intolerant, therefore I started backing out and pushing people away. I am good at that.

I figured both ways leads me to hell. I couldn't stand comparing with people because I fear I may lose the person close to me. Backing off lay waste to my own benefit where I won't get to know anyone as period goes.

Then again, if I do not compare I feel I may lose out silently and if I don't back out I may end up in a heated argument.

I am still torn in between. Those changes I am dealing with are difficult, really difficult. At the same time I am trying to tear down this damn wall of 'somestrongelement'-ium. At the same time, I want to get in the battle.

So what should I choose? The peace path or the killing path? For which I know I was on the killing path but it did not work out and now I have been trying to walk into the peace path.

Having such characteristic, I tend to think that everyone else is the same. I fear asking for assistance because I 'know' people have their own battles to fight. Such battles to fight using their own skills and knowledge where they aren't eager to impart.

I don't know.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Health

This is my third time falling sick this semester.
And worse of all it all comes from the same cause - stomach.

First was due to a bowl of laksa from campus. Second was due to some food from campus and third was literally due to no-food day. Yup, it is indeed all stomach alright.

Because of this, I have to, really have to find out the root of this issue as I know a healthy stomach would not have pertain to such resort. This time I probably got it right (hopefully), without the aid of a doctor once again.

Honestly I can never trust a doctor anymore because of the country I live in. Well this reason itself is enough actually but there are others. Like, most medications given doesn't really 'cure' the root of the problem. Of course they do solve the current outbreak, just quicker.

I've realised for the very past years since my Polytechnic days, my first episode of a stomach.. ulcer? flu? problem didn't get me thinking. I just thought oh it came just because I ate some wrong food. However, I must say that was probably the start of all problems.

I love researching, and I did. At first I was told to take Antacid as a solution but hey wait, those are for acid reflux and heartburn mainly which I don't exhibit. The symptoms I exhibited are:

• Bloating stomach (most of the time), even small meals
• Constant burping, even hours after meal
• Gas which smells (talk about embarrassment...)
• Bad breath - this is forever, around since ... ugh

Checked thoroughly with information, and it seems to be LOW STOMACH ACID. With this problem, it leads to protein deficiency. Researched for protein deficiency and I found that the symptoms which I AM EXHIBITING are:

• Excessive Dry Skin
• Ridges in finger and toe nails (in my case only fingernails)
• Constant craving for snacks

It seems to add up alright,
low stomach acid -> protein deficiency -> problems with external areas .

Excessive Dry Skin, yes literally to the fact that holding to a metal pole has NO FRICTION AT ALL.

Well I went out to local pharmaceutical stores to check out for Betaine HCL which is the supplement for low stomach acid but to no avail. Everywhere they are selling Antacid... Resorted to online store iHerb and purchased one, hopefully it will be delivered within 3 days and I could start restoring my health. If all goes right.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Updates

Many had happened since my last post- mostly good I must say.

The awesome thing is, I feel that I am back on track. Negative thoughts are slowly disappearing (and it MUST stay this way).
Ever since a friend asked me to get started on Android development, it felt like my hobby and life has been reinvigorated.

I learnt many parts of the Android SDK, namely:
•JSONParser
•XMLParser
•ListView
•SQLiteHelper
and many more...
plus running Root shell commands on Android.

With it, I've managed to create 2 apps so far (well, of course it's an achievement for me), and they are PSI retriever and Reboot Tool.


Reboot Tool

PSI Retriever

These two apps are available on my site:
How about my social life?
I've always, in my mind, say that my social life is crap. My 'classic' clique are all in their own world - money, relationship and progression.

Meanwhile, I am still down the stairs. So naturally, the topics to talk about becomes few and really all I wanted to is to have less contact with them.

For that I have to find someone else with common topics, and I am glad there is (well of course there will be lol).

Also, on 25/3 Tuesday, after my first class and which then I have 3 hours break. I went around trying to find a good spot to stay idle or use my phone after lunch. I sat down at the corridor linking from CLB to Comp and a few moments later, 2 lovely ladies approached me.

The starter question they asked included the word 'faith'. My mind seems to process that word differently apparently. Thing is, many approached me before on this but I always rejected them as I think their starter was quite straight asking which religion am I.

The word 'faith' is everywhere, not just pertaining to religion. So, I accepted them readily and it was a great sharing session. I don't normally share my views with strangers but somehow it might be that I have been longing to share my views regarding beliefs, faith and religion. And I literally opened up, woah that was really new for me.

Without that session, I probably wouldn't know that I could do this so I must thank the 2 ladies for approaching me.

That's about it thus far.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Endless

<--- Just a quick update of happenings before this post.
O'rio our pet bunny passed away on 17/02/2014. My heart was sorrow, caressing its motionless body made me shed tears.

Dear pet O'rio,
Your accompany in these 5 years was meaningful. 
Despite your constant escape and hiding in a narrow space while we try to grab hold of you, still you inevitably allow us to pat your head like it's the best gift in the world. 
The best part of you was always the energy filled soul and always determined to fight your own way. 
Hope you will find a better light and path somewhere.

R.I.P O'rio

Last Wednesday 19/02/2014 after CS2010 Tutorial session, clique and I went to The Deck to have lunch.

First off, The Deck kinda sucks because usually the stall that sells the most 'edible' food would be the Yong Tau Foo. Despite knowing that the laksa from this stall gave me quite a problem last semester, I bought the same bowl again.

Nothing happens immediately of course until the next day... What's worse is that the first class is our CS2010 mid-term test in which how I fared I shall not say.

So during the test, I had an inevitable backache and it's not the kind of ache from posture but from the constant generation of white/red blood cells(?) . Right, oh shit then goes my thoughts. A fever is coming I say. And I blamed the laksa again and again and again. Screw that. It's either my cells had an allergic reaction to some of the ingredients they added or it's something else...  (had to apply what I learnt in Biology classes)

Twice in a row this had happened and they are just before recess week starts... irony coincidence. Yup, so I was down.. really down and took two days, Thursday night and Friday to at least recover 85%.

In that meantime, my mind was filled with worry thought, as usual:
"When will I recover so I can start on my assignments?"
Some other random thoughts include:
"Damn, I wanted to head out and take a walk or something but this has to happen!"
"No, I lost all of what I am trying to gain."

With that and now that I am almost back on feet, the worry thought changed to:
"How will I be able to complete all these within the recess week?"

Argh! I am always filled with worry and anxiety.
Besides, there's 2 tests immediately after the break. Sigh~

Well, lengthy and annoying assignments . . . I have no idea what to do with you.

In other update, and I would not be embarrassed to say about this, is that I have been quite active on Okcupid, Skout and Tagged, in hopes to make new (girl)friends. Judgers please judge because I find that being "closed" will then cause the action of judging. So, there's no harm trying to open up. Oh also, I emailed someone whom I happened to see her name on her Ez-Link card one day... (actually this was rather long weeks ago, lol.. only surprised to know that she replies and 'kind of' entertain)

I'll just cut it short.. Quite a few fruitful results but obviously all conversations literally led to nowhere. I have no idea which part is the restrictive zone. However what I do know is in my case, being social or not seems to end up in the "unsocial" side of the weighing scale. Nevertheless, I am still glad I tried.


Sunday, February 9, 2014

Completion of Miniproject + Euphoria

From 1300 hours, I started on my LSM1302 Miniproject.

The project require students to create an informational brochure regarding Down Syndrome.
The audience have to be assumed as someone who does not know Down Syndrome at all, which basically means layperson.

At 2300 hours, I've completed it. That's 10 hours!

Here's a snapshot of my brochure front page:


That sense of satisfaction was so great, knowing that I've applied some skills in making that.
On the down side, even though I have cleared a major to-do, there's still more...:

SIGH!
Nonetheless, I went to listen to some Trance music to further enhance my mood and realised that one of the ID track that I loved in Blue Soho Sessions 035 had its title revealed!

Blue Horizon & Shyprince - Ancient Temple (Original Mix)

Yes, that's the track title. Sooo gonna purchase it when it's out!
One thing that puzzles me is the title - as to me it felt more like a Winter type of melodies than "Temple".

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Every time...

I can't possibly ignore and get a 0. As with my current state of knowledge, it's impossible to complete an assignment of such level.

Such a situation gives me a rush of chemicals which induces my state of negativity where:
Trance music didn't help.
Games pisses me off.
I see everyone as 'evil'.
I am just worse off.

Well, this literally left me without a choice.


Why? Just why am I unable to code an algorithm?

Here's some self-analysis:
I understood the basics of OOP but I may not understand how to use objects.
Linking classes all over has become a conspicuous weakness.
Plus with all these issues, putting them together into algorithm is just impossible.

So, to practice? Yea sure, when all of these craps have deadlines of less than a week.
University is so bent on students producing results instead of learning.

Only the 'best' gets what they want, the weak will just fall.
It's the same ideology of "Rich gets richer, poor gets poorer.".


Tuesday, December 17, 2013

My Thoughts on Technology, Internet and Social Media

Once a man wielding a spear, goes hunting for food and heads back with the dinner into the cave for the family.

Those were the days I guess. Now? Technology and Internet. It's all smart devices sticking to our face, with people heading to work where some stick their face, again, to computers and when to be non-productive, smartphones or social network will replace the computers.

I would admit I myself is a victim. Every time it happens, and for I who normally sees the bigger picture of most things, would see and think about the problems and issues that technology has given man.

Of course, when used correctly, it isn't so much of a problem. But the fact that technology has been misused by majority creates the controversy.

Social media is the source for people to use Internet. However, too much of it feeds us all the wrong information. The main purpose of social media was to actually 'connect' people from all over the world but instead because of marketing and business behind it, the main purpose has been boxed up. Creating the fame and spotlight to let people use it more often creates the revenue of that company. That's where people behind these will wear a smile to their faces. Yes, it's always about money.

As more people are 'connected', social media creates syndromes where people starts to become addicted to 'likes' because that portrays how humans are hungry for fame, or how one is trying to let oneself 'known' to the rest of the world. But little do they know that all these 'fame' or 'connectedness' are short lived. That's how our brain process it - instant gratification, feel good one minute, gone the next. And also the same for 'know' that one minute, forget it the next.

Humans are never made to multitask. Ladies (no gender discrimination here) always tell, yes tell themselves they can multitask and obviously that is because they heard it from someone else and being easily influenced by nature, simply believes it. So here's what they do on the street - opens up a video, watch it and walk. Watching and walking, that's multitask. So then they disregard all that's around them, including danger. So much I seen that all these people just cross a zebra crossing or traffic junction or walking anywhere (no danger, but looks really like an ass or retard) with their eyes planted to the phones. Well for sure if it's not a video, then it's the instant messaging that they care about. Oh certainly, not just ladies but men does that too only less I've seen. It's people like these that just makes me wish the world could perish.

Then there's those dating website or network. By nature, men are the hunter/predator and women are the prey. They uses these network and so the women, who obviously are wired to always make themselves looks pretty or always go for the best in looks will then post their 'pretty' faces. The men, being hungry and 'anonymous' will post all sorts of flirty and dirty stuff to get the girl, till the point where women have way higher defensive stance than they should have. One word for the result - imbalance.

Oh back to more specific technology, sometimes I wonder people kept using their phones is it because of the purpose of connecting and to send messages or is it because of psychological problem? I would say it's more of the latter and little of the former. You see, what did we use on our devices these days? Touch, yes touch. Humans crave for these warmth and the so called connection. If there isn't someone close around to feel that 'warmth' or 'connection', our touch devices will take in place of it. It's constant, it's in our hands to control that feeling and that's why even in a group, people could still end up using their devices. Basically saying 'touching the device makes us feels connected.' Such virtual feeling. I could see many people, sometimes myself, wake the device, does some swiping of the home screen on the device for the sake of swiping then press the power button.

Really, sometimes I wish I could send out a message to the whole world about what they are doing but I believe that's impossible and it's delusional for which obviously almost everyone, by now, has been influenced by the 'YOLO', 'be yourself' kind of mindset.