Weakness

I compared, I feared, I backed off.

Yes, I was very used to comparing with people, from appearance to intelligence to beliefs and opinions. I loved to challenge and proving I am right.

Till now, I still am but just not so much. It's just appearance, intelligence and beliefs.

Yes, however I see this as a weakness of mine, a very profound one. As I age I know such behaviour is intolerant, therefore I started backing out and pushing people away. I am good at that.

I figured both ways leads me to hell. I couldn't stand comparing with people because I fear I may lose the person close to me. Backing off lay waste to my own benefit where I won't get to know anyone as period goes.

Then again, if I do not compare I feel I may lose out silently and if I don't back out I may end up in a heated argument.

I am still torn in between. Those changes I am dealing with are difficult, really difficult. At the same time I am trying to tear down this damn wall of 'somestrongelement'-ium. At the same time, I want to get in the battle.

So what should I choose? The peace path or the killing path? For which I know I was on the killing path but it did not work out and now I have been trying to walk into the peace path.

Having such characteristic, I tend to think that everyone else is the same. I fear asking for assistance because I 'know' people have their own battles to fight. Such battles to fight using their own skills and knowledge where they aren't eager to impart.

I don't know.